This was originally posted on ResetEra in December 2023 and has been edited/updated in some areas
Hosted by David Spade and DJ Funkmaster Flex, the show was marketed as a non-traditional award show, with some commercials touting "No podium, no speeches, only winners." The 2003 VGAs were held at the MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas, Nevada on December 2nd, and would first air 2 nights later on the 4th. For this recap, there were 2 videos I found of the show. First was a Youtube video uploaded by PAPAGEORGIO84 that was incomplete and had no additional parts, though it did have a chunk of the preshow on it. The second was a video uploaded to Internet Archive by James E. Woods, with the entire award show in tact, but with the audio only coming from the left speaker. The Youtube video is of the original airing while the Archive video looks to be a later airing. Some commercials are NSFW given the content they contain, so I won't provide a link for them here, however they can be easily found by searching for said award show.
Before we get to the show, a little history lesson for those who don't know: Starting in 2003, Spike TV was Viacom's rebranding of TNN (The Nashville Network and later The National Network) targeting the Male 18-34 demographic. "The First Network for Men" brought over a lot of TNN shows such as Robot Wars, WWE Raw, Monster Jam, Star Trek: TNG, etc. , original shows such as The Joe Schmo Show and Most Extreme Elimination Challenge (or just MXC in later seasons), and their own animated shows such as Stripperella, Gary the Rat, and the very much regrettable Ren And Stimpy Adult Cartoon Party. Originally planned to happen on June 16th, the relaunch was delayed 2 months due to a suit filed by Spike Lee over the use of the Spike name. Over the years, Spike would continue making shows for the demographic while trying not to be as lowbrow as many saw the network as when it first launched. Later years saw the network emphasizing adversity and making shows towards a female demographic as well. In 2018, the network would become The Paramount Network, a network that would carry many of the programs under the ViacomCBS umbrella. To promote the change, a campaign was done a month prior to the launch that saw a lot of insulting remarks about how Spike was run over the years, ending with a livestream with the old Spike logo getting defaced and destroyed. Okay, lesson over. Lets get to the show, starting with that preshow.
The preshow, called "VGA Countdown Underground", is hosted by the dubbed hosts of MXC, Kenny Blankenship and Vic Romano. The show is separated into 4 "stages" as they called them and Stage 1 starts with a look at the DOA Beach Volleyball girls (models dressed as the DOA ladies) as Vic compares their modeling to volleyball moves while Kenny makes with the sexual innuendo. After that, they show a montage of the early days of gaming to complete Stage 1. Stage 2 has Jenna Jameson being caught on cam changing before she tells them to get out and has the guys looking for the Wild Boyz, Steve-O and Chris Pontius, who are dressed up respectively as Mario and a gorilla because that suit was the closest they could get to looking like Donkey Kong without lawsuits ahoy I guess. Pontius is on a ladder throwing his mask of at Steve-O, who retaliates by throwing a barrel at him, as Vic fondly remembers that happening in the game. That's not right, but I don't think they cared. After falling off twice, Steve-O takes the ladder and balances it on his chin which gets interrupted by Chris throwing the barrel at him. The balancing act is over, but Steve-O celebrates anyways. A montage of games from the mid-80s to the mid-90s ends Stage 2. Stage 3 starts with the puppet Bobby Flecther (voiced by Jim Florentine) from Crank Yankers at the Target Red Room hyping the show. Since he's working the bar, any lady who asks for water gets it splashed on their shirt. He then hypes up games to look forward to in 2004: Big Boobed Bounty Hunter, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy: Hit and Run, and Escape from Neverland. After that, it's time for another sponsor plug as they use a Radio Shack X Mod Car Cam to sneak right back into Jameson's changing room, who easily spots them and kicks them out again. They then go back to the DOA models to end Stage 3. That whole thing kind of makes you understand why people thought the network was lowbrow, doesn't it? The homestretch with Stage 4 takes us to Chris Jericho and Trish Stratus, who hype up their matches with Rey Mysterio and Victoria happening tonight as they also talk about playing some of the games nominated for GotY, more specifically Madden 2004 (Jericho wants to know if the Blue Bombers are in the game) and Splinter Cell. Trish then mentions GTA Vice City which leads into an argument on who should drive in the game before deciding to best save the aggression for the ring. We then cut to the final game montage of mid-90s to present time. The preshow wraps up with Jenna Jameson, dressed this time, saying that all these games is probably why there're so many virgins out there. and since Virgin Mobile is the only way to connect, she's making a call to "one lucky virgin" who, if they answer the call, gets a night with Jenna and her friend. No one answers, so Jenna decides to get undressed, which is not seen since it's time to start the actual show.
The award show begins with Funkmaster Flex announcing the nominees for GotY, which cuts to a montage of the games nominated in all categories. If he did announce them during this, it wasn't captured. For those curious, here were the nominees (according to Wikipedia, which is what I'm sourcing for the rest of the awards):
Freedom Fighters, Grand Theft Auto: Vice City, Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker, Madden NFL 2004, SOCOM II U.S. Navy SEALs, SSX 3, Star Wars Galaxies, Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic, Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell, Tony Hawk's Underground
And then at a large monitor surrounded by the Raiderettes (The cheerleading squad of the Raiders who, hilariously enough, would move to Vegas from Oakland), Madden NFL 2004 is announced as the Game of the Year. You read that correctly, they gave away the highest honor first. Also, yes kids, Madden used to be a good franchise once upon a time. After confetti is thrown and champagne is popped opened by the EA table, we get our first performance with Bubba Sparxxx performing his song from the game Back in the Mud, complete with a different set of cheerleaders dancing in rain for the 2nd half of the song (which also happens in the music video for the record.) After the performance, Flex welcomes us to the VGAs, giving a rundown of who'll be making an appearance at the festivities. Pay enough attention to the guest list and you'll already have a good idea of who's winning tonight. The Raiderettes get on stage and do a cheer for our host and Flex introduces him the way Spade wrote it: "He's a skater, a masturbator, a large prom ladies satisfier, the stunna from Arizona."
Some notable quotes from his monologue.
"Interesting fact about the Raiderettes: A third of them are dudes. Didn't know that. Found out last night at 1am the hard way. Twice."
"When they called me to host, I said 'Go fuck yourselves, how about that?' No I'm kidding I said 'Uh, 50 bucks? Sure I'm there.'"
"We're told video games poison children's brains. We're also told TV does too. Tonight, the two of them meet. Hopefully it'll be enough to kill some of the weaker children of America."
He also talks about how strip clubs are scams, how he doesn't really go to them anymore, and Kobe's rough year and how it won't stop him from having sex with strangers. He then brings out the trophy girls, who happen to be the DOA Beach Volleyball girls, wearing less than they did during the preshow. He talks about the award, which is a Space Invader-looking alien.
Spade: It kinda looks like a Pac-Man and a Space Invader...what?
DOA girl: Uh...take a crap?
Spade: No, had a baby I was gonna say, good lord.
"If we kept bringing out hot girls all night and never got to the video games, I'd be okay with it." Spade says before giving out the next award: Best Animation. He mentions no nominees, but here they are anyways:
Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball, Grand Theft Auto: Vice City, The Getaway, Resident Evil Code: Veronica X, The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, True Crime: Streets of LA, Warcraft III: The Frozen Throne, Xenosaga Episode I: Der Wille zur Macht, XIII
Try not to be shocked, but it goes to Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball. We then get the opening cutscene of career mode playing while a narrator gives us the backstory of why the ladies of a fighting game are on an island owned by another character playing volleyball. Before the show takes it's first commercial break, we're treated(?) to a segment that'll be happening throughout the night called "The Secret Life of Games", which takes cutscenes and give them a dubbing a la MXC. this one takes Heihachi's final boss entrance from Tekken 4, and turns it into a modeling show, mocking his choice of wearing a fundoshi, or man-diaper as the dubbing calls it.
When we return, we see Sam Fisher sneaking into the building to deliver a package only to be caught by a security guard, who happens to be a fan of his. He passes off a lockpick as a toothpick, which the guard believes. He tries his luck again by trying to pass off his gun as a blow dryer, but the guard doesn't buy it this time. We see that his package is the list of award winners, but he sweettalks his way of getting the guard to not take it away. As the guard goes to give Fisher his stuff back, he sees that it's all gone, and Fisher escapes.
Flex presents the award to Best Performance by a Human, which feels like a future Game Award award if companies get their way with AI bullshit. Anyways, nominees:
Christina Aguilera as herself in The Sims: Superstar, Christopher Walken as George in True Crime: Streets of LA, David Duchovny as XIII in XIII, DMX, Method Man, and more as themselves in Def Jam Vendetta, Ray Liotta as Tommy Vercetti in Grand Theft Auto: Vice City, Giovanni Ribisi as Pvt Elder in Call of Duty, Jada Pinkett Smith as Niobe in Enter the Matrix, Jenna Jameson as Candy Suxxx in Grand Theft Auto: Vice City, Snoop Dogg as himself in True Crime: Streets of LA
The winner is Ray Liotta, who gets to go on stage and makes a little thank you speech for the win. I know they advertised these things not happening, but I guess you got to make an exception for him. And now I have a sad as I remember that we lost Liotta unexpectedly. Hopefully with GTA VI returning to Vice City, we get a tribute to him in some fashion.
We then have Jamie Pressly (who would play Tina Armstrong in the DOA movie years later) come out on stage to talk about the fan-voted Most Anticipated Game award, which will have videos play the entire night before the winner is announced near the end of the show. The first set of finalists we get to see are Doom 3, Driv3r, and Fable.
Next we have rapper Lil' Kim on stage, who says that some might be confused why she's here, but she promises she kicks ass in NBA Live and Madden. And if any guy doesn't believe her, they can meet her online, and they better bring their magic stick. This segues to...Best Game Based on a Movie? Yeah, you'd think it'd be for Best Sports Game or Best Online Game from what she was bragging about, but apparently not. Methinks there was more that she said, but it ultimately got cut for time, and they had her advertised so they had to have something from her appear in the broadcast. Anyways, nominees to get back on track:
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, Enter the Matrix, Harry Potter: Quidditch World Cup, The Hulk, Indiana Jones and the Emperor's Tomb, James Bond 007: Nightfire, The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, Star Wars Rogue Squadron III: Rebel Strike, Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic, Tron 2.0
And our winner is Enter the Matrix, which got as many mixed reactions from viewers of the show (from what I gathered) as it did mixed reviews when it came out. And before anyone can question the win over titles like KotOR and Tron 2.0, Flex introduces our next performers, P.O.D. And you'd think they would perform their song Sleeping Awake considering it was part of The Matrix: Reloaded soundtrack, but they instead play their current hit at the time Will You. Yeah, a lot of questionable moments being presented to us before the next commercial break.
As we return, we get another Secret Life of Games. This time, the intro to Valens story in Gladius is dubbed so that it's Valens and Ludo going to a costume party as Roman hookers. Also, they have Ludo be called Valens here so you know research wasn't properly done. Given Gladius' sales, I'm sure a majority of people wouldn't have known about the mixup.
Pictured: Valens (left) and "Valens" (right)
When that's over, we get Spade on stage talking about the signs you might be too addictive to video games: If you've been playing too good and call in sick for work 21 days in a row. If you'd rather spend the night with Ms. Pac-Man than Miss Taiwan. And if your kids names are Madden, Tony Hawk, and Grand Theft Auto 2. And speaking of addictive, it's time for Most Addictive Game. Nominations:
Anarchy Online: Shadowlands, Donkey Kong Country (for the GBA), ESPN NHL Hockey, Madden NFL 2004, PlanetSide, SoulCalibur II, The Sims: Superstar, Viewtiful Joe, Virtua Fighter 4: Evolution
And the winner is SoulCalibur II, and we see "The Top 2 Ranked Americans Players" in Howard Hess and Spencer Bryceson (I think that's what it was. I couldn't find any names anywhere to match) playing at the award table. "These nerds are in no danger of getting laid anytime soon." quips Spade. The pros are barely fazed and continue playing.
Spade talks about how Angelina Jolie, who plays Lara Croft in Tomb Raider, is now a mother and does a bit about how lucky the Cambodian boy is to get that lucky, only to hear that Jolie might move there. We now get a thing for Tomb Raider: Angel of Darkness and how to do certain controls on the PS2 pad, mostly to show off Lara. This is probably the most fun you'll see anyone playing Angel of Darkness. With that out of the way, Flex introduces Jenna Jameson, who talks about the joys of action, whether you're kicking ass or getting some. She talks about how she's been going to clubs when really, she could've just come over to play games on your couch (insert your own casting couch joke here). She adjusts herself while the horndogs in the crowd holler at her before the announcement of the winner of Best Action Game. Nominations:
Freedom Fighters, Hitman 2: Silent Assassin, Max Payne 2: The Fall of Max Payne, Panzer Dragoon Orta, Return to Castle Wolfenstein, SOCOM II U.S. Navy SEALs, Star Wars Rogue Squadron III: Rebel Strike, True Crime: Streets of LA, XIII
And your winner is True Crime: Streets of LA as GTA: Vice City was absent in this category (although, now thinking about it, why was Vice City nominated anyways if it came out in 2002? Was it because the PC version came out in 2003?) This is where the Youtube video ends and I have to rely on the Archive version, which I had to download and edit to give the right audio channel sound because no way was I gonna listen to this show out of one side of my headphones.
Another Secret Life of Games starts off this part of the program. This time we have a dubbing of Freelancer (which just like Gladius was highly praised but sold terribly), specifically where Juni talks to Trent about Ashcroft's interrogation. Here, Juni is breaking up with Trent to be with her robot, the one that walks in the background in the scene.
"I thought you said I was a love machine."
"No, I said I love machines."
Juni also brings up that Trent doesn't pay attention to her, and instead of the news of Lonnigan's death, Trent interrupts Juni to watch the VGAs. And he's tuning in just in time to see Flex give out the next award, the Pontiac GTO Driving Award, also simply known as the Best Driving Game award. Nominations:
Auto Modellista, Colin McRae Rally 3, F1 Career Challenge, F-Zero GX, The Getaway, Midnight Club II, MotoGP 2, NASCAR Thunder 2004, The Simpsons: Hit & Run
And the award goes to NASCAR Thunder 2004. That's right kids, NASCAR also used to have good games. Man, I hope iRacing does well with the licensing. And here to perform his song from the game, broken foot and all, is Andrew W.K. with Tear It Up, as well as his most well known hit Party Hard. Give credit where credit is due, not even injuries will prevent him from partying. I'm just glad he didn't fall out of the chair headbanging as hard as he did. Anyways, Nicole Eggert is here, talking about anticipation. Would you rather wait or get what you want now is the question as she teases taking her coat off. All this of course is just for the next round of games nominated for Most Anticipated Game, those being Full Spectrum Warrior, Gran Turismo 4, and Half-Life 2. Spade asks if she's gonna take the coat off or not as Flex sends it to commercial.
The show returns with Flex introducing "The woman that showed Paris Hilton that there's a lot of money in homemade sex tapes and the man who watches these tapes over and over and over", Pam Anderson and David Spade. Anderson tells Spade he could satisfy that fantasy of his. Not the one where Kid Rock and Tommy Lee get on a rocketship to Mars while David and Pam do pilates naked, but the one about the 30 subservient obedient hard men who never talk. Spade says he can handle this, and out come a group of Stormtroopers surrounding the two. Spade then announces the winner of Best Fantasy Game, which you can probably guess what it'll be from the nominations (or at least have a 50/50 shot at it):
.Hack Part 1 Infection, Dark Cloud 2, EverQuest Online Adventures, Final Fantasy XI, Skies of Arcadia Legends, Star Wars Galaxies, Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic, The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker, Xenosaga Episode I: Der Wille zur Macht
The winner is, obviously, Skies of Arcadia Legends Star Wars KotOR. Boba Fett and Darth Vader are at the table getting confetti thrown at them as I wonder who Vader had to stop himself from force choking tonight. After we see footage of the game who many thought should've added another GotY to it's pile, Flex announces the winner of Best Sports Game. Nominations:
Dead or Alive: Extreme Beach Volleyball, ESPN NFL Football, Madden NFL 2004, NBA Live 2004, NBA Street Vol. 2, SSX3, Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2004, Tony Hawk's Underground, World Series Baseball 2K3, WWE SmackDown! Here Comes the Pain
And at this point you might be thinking "Well Madden was already announced as the Game of the Year, so it's obviously going to win Best Sports Game." And you'd be wrong. The winner is Tony Hawk's Underground. Tony introduces from the table the 2003 Boom Boom HuckJam Tour featuring Bob Burnqvist, Bucky Lasek, and Matt Hoffman, with music by the Anarchy Orchestra. The group do some impressive stunts with the boards and bikes on a half-pipe, with only one blink-and-you-missed-it drop. After that, we get another Secret Life of Games, with Tak and the Power of Juju getting the treatment. Instead of Tak asking JuJu for a snowboard and Juju wanting pets in return, Tak wants a peak of next year's most anticipated games, and Juju asks for the head of Seabiscuit. Tak questions how he's suppose to do that, but Juju changes the demand to the scalp of Tom Cruise. Tak questions that one as well, so Juju asks for a club sandwich with the bacon being made of the buttocks of Justin Timberlake, and butter for dipping. Tak agrees, but he wants to see the games first. We see the next set of nominees with Halo 2, MGS3: Snake Eater, The Sims 2, and Splinter Cell: Pandora Tomorrow before we go to break.
Lemme take this time now to bring up what happened with Best Sports Game here. You see, it turns out games were limited to just one win here. So while Madden was pretty much the best sports game of 2003, it wasn't going to win that award since it was already announced as Game of the Year. This explains why KotOR was Best Fantasy Game but not Game Based on a Movie, and why Vice City was just limited to Ray Liotta's win. There will be more of this as the show goes on. Note that SoulCalibur II was Most Addictive while we haven't gotten to Best Fighting Game yet. I'll talk more about this at the end of the recap. For now, let's get back to the show.
Stripperella (voiced by Pam Anderson) welcomes us back, talking about how some of these characters backstage are crazy. Ever see Q*Bert on power pellets? It ain't pretty. She's also disgusted by that one guy who was all over her, who said he was a crossing guard when he's really just a frog. She's also not impressed by Mario and Luigi owning their own business and adds without context "that's not what a Donkey Kong is used for." Now if you'll excuse her, Ms.Pac-Man slipped her her hotel room key, and she's gotta get a piece of that. Guess we know who's addicted to games then, huh?
Pictured: Addicted gamer.
Flex introduces the Wild Boyz Steve-O and Chris Pontius, who are sitting on a block of ice, covering their lower halves with towels. The reason for this? They want to see who can suffer the most shrinkage. Steve-O tells the crowd not to waste their time playing video games and instead waste it on skateboards video and their genitals, which he flashes to the crowd. Chris flashes his not long after. Thankfully for the viewers, this was censored by the Space Invader-looking alien. We then get to awards not given out during the show because, you know, Spike needed the time to have the Wild Boyz do...that. For this, I'll list the nominees and simply put the winner in bold font.
Best Online Game: Anarchy Online: Shadowlands, Battlefield 1942: The Road to Rome, EverQuest Online Adventures, Final Fantasy XI, Midnight Club II, Neverwinter Nights: Shadows of Undrentide, PlanetSide, The Sims Online, Star Wars Galaxies
Best First Person Action Game: Battlefield 1942: Secret Weapons of WWII, Call of Duty, Chrome, Halo: Combat Evolved, PlanetSide, Rainbow Six 3: Raven Shield, Return to Castle Wolfenstein: Tides of War, Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon: Island Thunder, XIII
Best PC Game: Age of Mythology: The Titans, Battlefield 1942: The Road to Rome, Command & Conquer: Generals – Zero Hour, Freedom Fighters, Halo: Combat Evolved, Jedi Knight: Jedi Academy, Max Payne 2: The Fall of Max Payne, The Sims: Superstar, Warcraft III: The Frozen Throne
Best Handheld Game: Advance Wars 2: Black Hole Rising, Castlevania: Aria of Sorrow, Final Fantasy Tactics Advance, Iridion II, Mega Man and Bass, Ninja Five-O, Rayman 3, Sonic Advance 2, Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell
John Henson is here, with Flex introducing him as "The star of the new Spike Tv show 'The John Henson Project', starring John Henson, the actor who plays John Henson on 'The John Henson Project'". I'm thinking Flex got paid for every John Henson he dropped there. Henson, weird skunk mark in his hair and all, talks about how he can beat guys twice his size in a fight using just his opposable thumbs thanks to the Best Fighting Game winner. Henson says the critics are wrong saying games causes violence, when it's the other way around, since people would take their aggression out on their bosses and go postal on them way more often if not for video games. Nominations:
Backyard Wrestling: Don't Try This at Home, Bloody Roar 4, Capcom vs. SNK 2 EO, Def Jam Vendetta, Pride FC, Soulcalibur II, Virtua Fighter 4: Evolution, WWE Smackdown: Here Comes the Pain, WWE WrestleMania XIX
And the winner is, as pointed out before, NOT SoulCalibur II, but rather WWE Smackdown: Here Comes the Pain. And with that, it's time for what's been billed at the Raw vs. Smackdown grudge match. The match is billed as Chris Jericho and Victoria vs. Rey Mysterio and Trish Stratus, though the preshow made it seem like it was 2 separate matches. Also despite this being a "Raw vs. Smackdown" type deal, Rey is the only one of the four representing Smackdown, and he still got the Raw graphics for his name. Jenna Jameson introduces the superstars as Jonathan Coachman and Al Snow are on commentary.
Originally, I was gonna post the match on Youtube and put it here, but copyright issues means I can't even list the video as Private. Jericho and Mysterio start the match up. Jericho works more of a ground game while Mysterio does more high flying maneuvers. Snow and Coach do a lot of Jericho praising when they're not talking about the ladies around them. The match goes back-and-forth with Mysterio getting a near fall at one point until Mysterio gets Jericho into position to hit the 6-1-9 and the springboard. But before the ref can finish the 3 count, Victoria attacks Mysterio to break up the pin, and in comes Trish to go after her. Jericho rolls out the ring and Mysterio hits him with a springboard onto the floor, which I guess was powerful enough to keep both of them out the rest of the match. When Victoria gets Trish hanging off the turnbuckle, she removes Trish's top, getting Snow and Coach hoping this becomes a bra and panties match. For non-WWE watchers, this was indeed a match format once upon a time. Trish would return the favor after hitting a headscissors on Victoria. After denying a counter to another headscissors off the turnbuckle, Trish de-pants Victoria and hits her Chick Kick for the 3 count.
A 1-star, maybe 1 1/2 at best. Out of curiosity, I wanted to see if Cagematch had this in their database and it turns out they do. The match is less than 5 minutes so it can't be given a rating. If you wanna leave a rating for the show however, you can do that here: https://www.cagematch.net/?id=1&nr=24713.
After coming back from commercial, Flex brings out Tia Carrere who's here to present the Hall of Fame award. Tia says that without this man, none of this would be possible. She was mesmerized by his on-screen presence and the way he bounced around having a ball. Someone she calls a personal friend, his contributions have been overlooked for far too long according to her. After a little tease from Shaq, Cedric the Entertainer, George Lopez, and Penn Jillette on how much he changed the game (and one "played with ourselves" joke too many), we learned that this legend is none other than...The Dot...from Pong.
We learn that The Dot is the son of German immigrants Felix and Polka. The Dot, who sounds a lot like Gilbert Gottfried (another name we lost in 2022), said his father never wanted him to go into gaming and his family was more into literature. His ancestor was a period in the American Constitution and his father was oppressed as the dot in a question mark. Outcasted by his family, The Dot struggled early in his life, but once he got the part as the ball from Pong, he rose to stardom. Director Sir Edmond Winterberry and Producer Irv Schnitzler (I'm not sure who played them, IMDB doesn't list either of them) talked about hiring The Dot for their game Dot Man. On the first day, The Dot started "reproducing" dots all over the mazes, leaving the 2 wondering what to do with all these dots. Then one night, they see the janitor Packle cleaning up the dots by eating them, and soon they realize that this is the way to go. The Dot is fired and Packle becomes the star of the newly named Pac-Man. The Dot would get out of the gaming business, but he would soon get his next biggest role, as he would become the dot of dot-com websites.
Tia introduces The Dot live via satellite, who says it's about fucking time he got into the hall for what he's done. And instead of listing people he wants to thank, he brings out a list of people he doesn't want to thank. Such people include the girl in 5th grade who wouldn't be his girlfriend "Look at me now, you dumb whore!", the teacher who said he'd never amount to anything more than the top of an 'i' "How's life on 20k a year?", and Spike TV themselves "What the hell is that? The first network for leather queens? I got a spike for you right here in my shorts!". Somebody didn't exactly like that it seems as the audio and video start to get distorted. He says he's not done yet, but the feed is cut entirely.
Flex introduces Orlando Jones (Make 7 Up Yours!) and Crank Yanker's Bobby Fletcher, who are here to announce the winner of Most Anticipated Game. Bobby belches a lot (as he does on Crank Yankers) as he says he bet Jones wasn't anticipating that. Jones wants to know whose idea was it to have him sitting here next to Fletcher, who he calls a nasty motherfucker. Fletcher can't believe he's sitting next to a black guy. He apologizes for that last remark and says he only says those kinds of things because he was abused when he was younger. In fact, some guy below the table has his hand up Fletcher's ass right now. Jones tells him it's actually him. This cringe comes to an end as we find out the winner of Most Anticipated Game is Halo 2. By the way, not all nominees for the award were shown off during the show according to Wikipedia. Also nominated were Dead or Alive Online, James Bond 007: Everything or Nothing, Medal of Honor: Rising Sun, and Starcraft: Ghost. Man, how funny would it have been if Ghost had won this? Anyways, right after that, Flex introduces our next performer Kelis with her single Milkshake, a song which I still cannot stand to this day. There's a diner setup and a giant milkshake on stage as she's joined by dancers dressed as diner waitresses. The milkshake shoots out cream-looking foam out onto the stage as the song wraps up.
And well folks, here we are. The last part of the show. We start off with one last Secret Life of Games and mercifully it's a short one, going back to Freelancer as the short clip of the intro showing a gunfight is dubbed with a guy saying they should retreat before seeing they won. Flex announces the winner of the last award of the night, Best Music. Nominations:
Def Jam Vendetta, Grand Theft Auto: Vice City, Madden NFL 2004, NBA Live 2004, NBA Street Vol. 2, SSX3, Tony Hawk's Underground, True Crime: Streets of LA, Wakeboarding Unleashed featuring Shaun Murray
And the winner is Def Jam Vendetta. And to celebrate the occasion is a man we lost way too soon, DMX. He performs a medley of X Gon Give It To Ya, Party Up (Up In Here), Let's Get It On, and his part of the Ruff Ryders' Anthem (remix). And with that, the show comes to an end.
So yeah, if you were expecting to watch a serious video game award show, then you needed to watch G4's G-Phoria, because you weren't gonna get it here. This was a show not for the stereotypical nerd gamer, but more for the stereotypical dudebro gamer crowd who would be more into the majority of the games that won and watch the programs, shows, and what-have-yous of the presenters. Speaking of which, lets talk about those winners, shall we? While there were a couple of winners here that were deserving, like FFXI for Online, Liotta for Voice Actor, and even Madden for GotY, there were some that felt like they were chosen either because of the demographic (DOA Volleyball for Animation), because of a network deal (WWE HCTP for Fighting), or because they had to give a game something in the end (SoulCalibur II for Addictive because it wasn't getting Fighting). And then there's the 1-award deal. You shouldn't DQ a game from winning an award just because it won something else. If it was the best of that kind of game, then it should be recognized as such. Yeah it sucks that other games won't get their just due because of it, but that's just the way it is. Segments of the show were hit and miss. While I enjoyed some of the musical performances like DMX and Andrew W.K., as well as the Boom Boom HuckJam and The Dot Story, there was a lot of stuff here that even this show didn't need, like the Secret Life of Games, the Lara Croft bit, and especially the Wild Boyz stuff. Also, I still have no idea what the deal was with Lil' Kim. You couldn't have her announce the other Most Addictive Game nominations? All in all, I expected this kind of show to be as lowbrow as people made the network out to be, and it kind of was. This isn't one I would look back upon and give praise to. And hey, I wouldn't be the only one thinking like that. Here's a few reviews I found of the show from back in the day:
Here's one from Gaming-Age:
Look, this isn't your typical fanboy rant bitching about how Nintendo or Sega didn't get any love or why some obscure Japanese dating simulation should have received Game of the Year instead of Madden - this is about an awards show so transparent that it's a slap in the face of the very people who are supposed to give it any kind of credibility. Creating a mainstream awards show for videogames isn't a bad idea, and maybe in a few years they'll have worked out the voting process kinks to prevent the big sponsors from garnering undeserved awards - but this year's list is worthy of some rolled eyes and dismissal this time around.
Here's one from a place called the Nbrid Network
I'm sure you're thinking, "What? Are you gay? How can you not like to watch hot chicks!" Well, I also like this thing called 'substance', and this show had none. That is my main problem with the VGA's. Though since this is Spike TV, it came at no surprise. Tony Hawk's Boom Boom Huck Jam, DMX, and the "Dot" almost made it worthwhile though. Plus I did laugh a lot. Not because the show had a lot of good jokes, but because the show was so bad, it was hard not to laugh at it. Again, I'm not even counting the actual winners who were often lost amidst the garbage that was going on.
Here's someone who was at the show, long-time audio director Martin O' Donnell posted on Bungie's forum:
The VGA on Spike TV was the worst travesty that the entertainment industry has to offer. I was there at that table and I desperately want those hours of my life back. I will do everything in my power (which isn't much) to fight the system that creates crap like that. I'm actually thankful that Bungie wasn't mentioned. From this point forward I hope that we will distance ourselves from anything that smacks of the tawdry, obscene, and juvenile pile of dung that this show represents.
But not everyone had bad things to say about this show. Check out some of the replies from the Youtube video I watched:
"Not hard to believe that this is more fun than Keighly's woke/bland version. Wokeness makes everything worse."
"Back when the gaming industry was more about fun now everything is so corporate and dull."
"Its pretty depressing seeing what has become of the modern gaming industry. I miss the early 2000s :')"
"This was the big box game industry. Back when they had to create a complete package. These days we live in the 99 cent store game industry.....I hope some day people will reject the new business models and the economy will improve. Then we might see a return to the spectacle big box game industry. I know the tits and ass get old after a while but there is a place for it in the modern world. Younger males aren't being sold sex anymore. The market has been cornered by onlyfans and instagram models."
I wanted to include that last one because, really, look at it.
The VGAs the following year would be radically different, with games allowed to win multiple awards, nominations and speeches being added to the show, and the Spikeman getting replaced by the monkey with a crown, which would serve as the award from that point on. Of course it didn't stray too far as they still had segments such as "Hot Girls Read Cheat Codes" on the show. 2006 saw the addition of some guy from Gametrailers TV to help with the programming. George Knightly or something. The show would grow to become a spot for big game reveals such as Dark Souls II, Mortal Kombat 9, and even Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim. However, despite the changes to make the show more open to more gamers, the shows would still receive mixed reviews. The last VGA to air on Spike was 2012, when Viacom decided it wanted to take the show in a new direction. And it did with the newly-rebranded online award show VGX, which would receive mostly negative reviews and would never see a 2nd show. I'm sure that's also worthy of a long recap, but I won't be doing one. At least, not yet. Maybe...
If you remember the show back in the day, post your thoughts down below and share how you felt about it. Thank you all for reading this giant wall of text. And in the future when you're watching The Game Awards, just remember how it used to be and maybe you'll have a little more appreciation for it.
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